State of play
Jun. 23rd, 2008 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
metztlimoonLife is not brilliant at the moment.
Marty thomas (One of my cats) seemed to have something wrong with his ear and just a bit 'odd'. It looked a lot like a stroke to me. After a fretful day At work Thursday (my last day in oldham, so no more bloody 12 hour days in which I'm paid for 3 hours!) I took him to the vets on Friday to discover that he's suddenly gone blind in his right eye, and seems to have some paralysis on his face (right side).
Fortunately for Marty himself, he is perky, managing very well (adapting nicely) to the one sided vision, eating, purring and being his normal self- other than being slightly more sleepy than usual. It's hard to tell, maybe he isn't sleeping more.)
The vet is baffled and it's unfortunately the case that I just have to wait and see. She suggested a condition it looks like, but me being me got home and read up on it, and given that his pupil is dilating normally, it doesn't seem to make sense. I'm no neuroanatomist but I've spent enough time with undergrads doing it that what it seems to me to be is some kind of cerebral lesion. (Lesion being medspeak for 'something up with').
One of those options is a stroke- rare in cats but not unheard of (and different in the long term from stroke in people). Or it could be a tumour, or a bleed. He has no other symptoms, and as his eye is NORMAL under the opthalmoscope it does look like there's brain involvement ).
Without a scan, (and even with) it will be hard to know what it actually is. Knowing what it is might not actually be any use.
He's going back on Wednesday so we can work out what to do next. Wait and see is the likely option. If it was a stroke it won't get worse and may get better, if it's a tumour it will eventually get worse. We might be able to refer him to a specialist, but as I cancelled the insurance when I couldn't work due to the hand, and therefore couldn't pay my own bills, that might well be beyond my capacity.
You may wonder why I'm analysing the brain thing like this and hiding in medspeak. It's how I deal with shit that really really worries me, by making it an intellectual issue. I take refuge in the biology because it's something to do and it helps me.
Of course I'm scared witless, and I've cried (hysterical) buckets over it. Will continue to do so. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. But at the same time I'm wracked with guilt because I'm thinking - how can I cope putting his drops in 4 times a day forever(eye vulnerable to damage, you see), when I have to work?. What's going to happen with my trip was so looking forward to (me being me- this is what I get for DARING to actually LOOK FORWARD to something special - 3 days in Stratford in August, including seing Hamlet with David Tennant). Should I cancel it? Am I morally reprehensible for WANTING to go? . How am I going to afford to have him treated now I don't have a job any more and this year has been Soooo fucking horrendous financially since the hand, working Manchester and Oldham has nearly killed me? And what about the poor Little One (my other cat?) they're like a married couple. What happens if Marty dies and she's left- being wild and crazy and eschewing human company - she'll lose her only friend)
It's taken a while to go through that.
What else is happening? Well, I have an interview for a PGCE on the second to Teach RE. Yes. RE.
RE because I couldn't teach science to a bunch of hormonal teenagers in a lab full of volatile chemicals- (not with my processing speed and general fear of everything). RE because I'm of the (possibly mistaken) belief that 1) RE done right helps people understand others and encourages people to think about their beliefs, whatever the fuck they are and 2) that a Pagan RE teacher with a damn fine grasp of secular ethics might just be able to do some good somewhere, whilst probably being turned down for a lot of jobs because school governors think pagans are satanists). It's a shortage subject, apparently, with half of all existing RE teachers expected to retire in the next few years.
It's a flexi course, where they'd be able to accredit my HE and FE teaching experience and I can work while I'm doing it. My subject knowledge will be the main fail, but they're interviewing me on the basis of the Master's in Ethics so we'll see. I'll be bored of it in two years or driven off sick by the kids, but there's no place for me in HE, even though I keep on trying, (I'm going to miss undergrads, I'm going to miss using my knowledge for something USEFUL and spending time with people who are happy to talk about what a neat organ the kidney is) and time is running out to build any sort of pension, or maybe one day own a house (HAH- the only way I'm going to own any part of bricks and mortar is if I marry some *snort*).
I'm deeply disappointed in myself, not least because I aim to get QTS, do a year in a normal school then go to the independent sector where people actually give a toss about encouraging kids to think; and I can quietly fade away, spending my cat lady years teaching A levels in Philosophy and Ethics.
Manchester are changing the p/t facilitator contracts to match the teaching assistants- so my pay would about halve. Won't be doing that then, as half pay won't actually GET me to work and back. Oldham would probably have me back in September but I'm not doing the 2 hour commute for that pay as it's not enough to pay my rent & travel combined with the new Manchester contract. In fact, I'd have to be paid a fucking massive amount to travel that far again- particularly as I don't drive. The one thing that's buying me some time is I do get some payment from MAnchester until the contract expires in September. Not a lot, enough to keep me afloat for a month or so, if all other things are equal. which frankly they aren't any more.)
I just can't seem to get my life on track.
Please don't die, Marty. I love you.
Fortunately for Marty himself, he is perky, managing very well (adapting nicely) to the one sided vision, eating, purring and being his normal self- other than being slightly more sleepy than usual. It's hard to tell, maybe he isn't sleeping more.)
The vet is baffled and it's unfortunately the case that I just have to wait and see. She suggested a condition it looks like, but me being me got home and read up on it, and given that his pupil is dilating normally, it doesn't seem to make sense. I'm no neuroanatomist but I've spent enough time with undergrads doing it that what it seems to me to be is some kind of cerebral lesion. (Lesion being medspeak for 'something up with').
One of those options is a stroke- rare in cats but not unheard of (and different in the long term from stroke in people). Or it could be a tumour, or a bleed. He has no other symptoms, and as his eye is NORMAL under the opthalmoscope it does look like there's brain involvement ).
Without a scan, (and even with) it will be hard to know what it actually is. Knowing what it is might not actually be any use.
He's going back on Wednesday so we can work out what to do next. Wait and see is the likely option. If it was a stroke it won't get worse and may get better, if it's a tumour it will eventually get worse. We might be able to refer him to a specialist, but as I cancelled the insurance when I couldn't work due to the hand, and therefore couldn't pay my own bills, that might well be beyond my capacity.
You may wonder why I'm analysing the brain thing like this and hiding in medspeak. It's how I deal with shit that really really worries me, by making it an intellectual issue. I take refuge in the biology because it's something to do and it helps me.
Of course I'm scared witless, and I've cried (hysterical) buckets over it. Will continue to do so. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. But at the same time I'm wracked with guilt because I'm thinking - how can I cope putting his drops in 4 times a day forever(eye vulnerable to damage, you see), when I have to work?. What's going to happen with my trip was so looking forward to (me being me- this is what I get for DARING to actually LOOK FORWARD to something special - 3 days in Stratford in August, including seing Hamlet with David Tennant). Should I cancel it? Am I morally reprehensible for WANTING to go? . How am I going to afford to have him treated now I don't have a job any more and this year has been Soooo fucking horrendous financially since the hand, working Manchester and Oldham has nearly killed me? And what about the poor Little One (my other cat?) they're like a married couple. What happens if Marty dies and she's left- being wild and crazy and eschewing human company - she'll lose her only friend)
It's taken a while to go through that.
What else is happening? Well, I have an interview for a PGCE on the second to Teach RE. Yes. RE.
RE because I couldn't teach science to a bunch of hormonal teenagers in a lab full of volatile chemicals- (not with my processing speed and general fear of everything). RE because I'm of the (possibly mistaken) belief that 1) RE done right helps people understand others and encourages people to think about their beliefs, whatever the fuck they are and 2) that a Pagan RE teacher with a damn fine grasp of secular ethics might just be able to do some good somewhere, whilst probably being turned down for a lot of jobs because school governors think pagans are satanists). It's a shortage subject, apparently, with half of all existing RE teachers expected to retire in the next few years.
It's a flexi course, where they'd be able to accredit my HE and FE teaching experience and I can work while I'm doing it. My subject knowledge will be the main fail, but they're interviewing me on the basis of the Master's in Ethics so we'll see. I'll be bored of it in two years or driven off sick by the kids, but there's no place for me in HE, even though I keep on trying, (I'm going to miss undergrads, I'm going to miss using my knowledge for something USEFUL and spending time with people who are happy to talk about what a neat organ the kidney is) and time is running out to build any sort of pension, or maybe one day own a house (HAH- the only way I'm going to own any part of bricks and mortar is if I marry some *snort*).
I'm deeply disappointed in myself, not least because I aim to get QTS, do a year in a normal school then go to the independent sector where people actually give a toss about encouraging kids to think; and I can quietly fade away, spending my cat lady years teaching A levels in Philosophy and Ethics.
Manchester are changing the p/t facilitator contracts to match the teaching assistants- so my pay would about halve. Won't be doing that then, as half pay won't actually GET me to work and back. Oldham would probably have me back in September but I'm not doing the 2 hour commute for that pay as it's not enough to pay my rent & travel combined with the new Manchester contract. In fact, I'd have to be paid a fucking massive amount to travel that far again- particularly as I don't drive. The one thing that's buying me some time is I do get some payment from MAnchester until the contract expires in September. Not a lot, enough to keep me afloat for a month or so, if all other things are equal. which frankly they aren't any more.)
I just can't seem to get my life on track.
Please don't die, Marty. I love you.
